The S Word

Okay, lets be honest. I have such an unnatural relationship with my scale. It has such power that it can make or break my day. My hate for the scale is so powerful that I order refer to it as the s word & not the scale.  I know that being healthy isn't just about the numbers on the scale it's about several other sets of numbers such as the ones on your clothes, on your weights and that you can run. 

It's not just about losing that last 10 pounds, but about being able to see the changes in your body. All of that being said there are Sundays when I step  on the scale and I'm scared to death. I'm so nervous I can't breath and I just want to burst in to tears. NEWS FLASH, that isn't normal. I'm just so scared of getting fat and continuing to be unhealthy that those numbers really do define me and have a huge impact on my life. I've never felt this out of control that I can remember in years past, but I do know what triggered this fear. 

This crazy obsessive, I must loss weight and get health really started at the end of June after my oldest sister passed away. She had always had weight problems since as far back as I could remember. That being said when she passed away it was related to the weight that she was carrying and the fact that her body couldn't handle the stress anymore. That's why I am so scared now. I don't want my father to have to morn the loss of another daughter. I don't want my husband to be alone like is grandmother is today because I see the pain that she goes though still today and I never want to bring that on my husband. With that being said I need to figure it out. I have to figure out how to balance getting to my healthiest self and not being completely controlled and obsessed with the numbers on the scale. 

I am not my sister. I am not that far from my goal weight and I am working on it. Those are the things that I really do need to remember in life. It's okay to enjoy food, but food is not a reward you're not an animal and you should see yourself as one. Food is something that you need to survive. Food is nourishment. Eat to live. Don't live to eat. That being said I really am feeling more in control. I'm happy with the work that I've done and the effort I've put in so that's what the focus should be not such a fear of being my sister. I'm stronger then that! 

I believe that my relationship with the scale will always be a work in progress, but I think that as long as I am not being controlled by it then I'm winning. It is more then just the numbers on the scale, but those numbers are also something that is important and should be taken seriously. But don't let it control you or you will never be happy! 

Live|Love|Run